Chris Christie Talks About The Type Of Birth Control He Used

Yea! Get it, Fat Man! Get that dick wet!

Now I know what you’re thinking. Right now, Christie uses the Fupa Method of Birth Control. Meaning his fupa physically swallows his dick and makes it impossible to actually enter a woman. Remember when Big Pun said “Lift the belly, and put it in her mouth like Akineyle?” Chris Christie needs to lift the fupa. I dont even know if he can, to be honest. I think a woman would need to get up in there and climb underneath the fold for Chris Christie dick access. So, 2015 Chris Christie aint really worried about knocking girls up.

But you gotta remember, Chris Christie wasnt always like this. When he was young he was a stud:

Back in those days he was probably smashing left and right. And I’ll bet you my bottom dollar Chris Christie’s preferred birth control was the Pull Out Method. None of that Rhythm nonsense. Condoms are for sailors. He probably just left it on their backs and walked out of the room saying “I’m Chris fucking Christie! King Kong aint got nothin on me!”

And you gotta love this guy:

Sweatin bullets of embarrassment like “Did this fat motherfucker just say “Rhythm Method” at a luncheon??”

PS – Cue the “Pull Out” jokes in reference to the Presidential race