Ranking Star Wars Characters Based On Their Rizz

Lucasfilm. Shutterstock Images.

Cross-country flights are never easy, unless the airline you're flying has the original Star Wars trilogy on the flight. Then the flight is easy. All I’ve heard from my favorite nerd Robbie Fox is how Empire Strikes Back is the greatest Star Wars movie of all time. So I decided to run it back, and he was right—but for the wrong reasons. There’s no doubt about it, it’s a classic movie, but the masterclass of rizzing up a fit bird was on full display. I can’t believe I never noticed how much game was being taught to all the youngins out there. So I’ve decided to rank Star Wars characters based on their ability to rizz.

Lando:

Mark Sennet. Getty Images.

My dude Lando is cold. Full of confidence, great one-liners, but at the end of the day he doesn’t bag anything! Buddy stays trying to holler at the princess like he has a shot, but what he didn’t realize is the guy he’s going up against might be the Rizz King. It’s one thing to go after a princess—I respect the hustle, shoot your shot—but shooting your shot with her while she’s wrapped around the Rizz King’s arm is like flying a TIE Fighter through an asteroid field.

Kylo Ren:

People sleep on Kylo’s game… You have any idea how savage you have to be to get with a girl that you spent two whole episodes trying to kill? It was an absolute masterclass in terms of making her “hate” you until she ultimately falls in love with you. And it takes one to know one, but I know Kylo had his shirt off on purpose when Rey “Force FaceTimed” him. You not slick my boy! But the most gangster shit of all time has to be bringing Rey back from the dead just so he can lay one on her. Absolute legend.

Anakin Skywalker:

Lucasfilm. Shutterstock Images.

COME ON, MAN. You knew my boy Anakin was making this list. People don’t respect greatness. We are all witnesses. I remember when I was in fourth grade, I had a smoking hot teacher named Ms. Bronson, and I always said when I grow up she’d be my wife. This mother fucker Anakin actually did that shit. He was like, what, five years old when he met her? Disappeared for thirteen years and made her fall in love with him in a week? You can’t teach those levels of rizz. Much like having the highest midi-chlorian count, it’s just something you're born with.

Han Solo:

Sunset Boulevard. Getty Images.

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And last but not least, the coldest mother fucker in the game. The one, the only, Han Solo. I’ll never forget when this dude was about to be frozen. Princess Leia looks at him in front of her pops (little did she know), told this man “I love you,” and he looks her dead in the eyes and goes, “I know.” (Insert dead face emoji) THIS MOTHER FUCKER REALLY LIKE THAT, MAN!! And add in the fact he successfully kept Lando from snatching his bird, and it’s safe to say he’s the 1.1 rizz god in all of Star Wars.