Panthers Take Control with 5-2 Thrashing of Hurricanes

Josh Lavallee. Getty Images.

MAN DO I LOVE THIS FUCKING TEAM!!! For the first time in my life, and the lives of many other South Florida sports fans, we finally have a sports team that’s the bully and not the pussy. Typically, when you think about a team from South Florida, you think soft. Or at least that’s the case with the Miami Dolphins. Believe it or not, I’ve seen my fair share of good sports teams in South Florida. The Miami Heat Big 3 era was special, but it was more flashy than anything else. However, the Florida Panthers are both flashy and nasty. They can shoot with the best of 'em and also light you the fuck up. It’s beautiful to watch. I’m not a hockey savant, but when I watch the Panthers play, it feels like this is how the game is meant to be played.

From start to finish, we were on Carolina’s bumper. It was never close. You can point to the cheesy goal at the end of the first and say they were only down a goal after one, but anyone with eyes knows that goal meant nothing. First of all, he clearly kicked it in. And secondly, Bob was so wired on Adderall that the only thing that got past him the whole night were two fluke goals. When Bob is on Adderall, the boys are putting backhanders top shelf, sniping from the blue line, and getting in our opponents’ heads to the point where they get so fed up they intentionally shoot the puck at Marchy—no one can beat us.

Fun fact: the dude who shot the puck at Marchy, Shayne Gostisbehere, went to my high school. Which makes it all make sense now. That’s some Broward shit if I’ve ever seen it.

It’s only one game, but this team is firing on all cylinders right now. And if you watched that game last night, it was clear who the superior team was. Lotta game to go, but last night’s win could not have gone any better.