Absolutely Fucked: We Must Make 50 Straight Layups Doing The Three Man Weave

Tate’s a piece of shit. No other way to put it. If you’re a Stoolie who enjoys 12+ hour streams, this is for you, because I legitimately think this can take multiple days to complete. This is, without a doubt, 100x harder than the free throw stream. Hitting 41 straight free throws, or whatever it was, was hard enough—but 50 straight three man weaves is legitimately impossible, considering what we’re working with here at Barstool Sports.

First of all, half the people participating wouldn’t make a layup if they were standing on the block with no one guarding them. Now that same person is going to have to run a full-court weave, be coordinated enough to catch and deliver each pass, and then potentially have to make a layup on the run? That alone is impossible with a bunch of average Joes who get gassed after a game of pickup to 11.

How on earth are we going to run a three man weave for potentially 24 hours? Making 50 straight three man weaves alone is downright impossible. Now add in the fact that MINTZY has to hit the 10th layup, the 20th has to be made in a fucking wheelchair, the 30th has no backboard, the 40th is an alley-oop, and if we’re lucky enough to get to 50, Rico has to hit it with all the pressure on him. WE ARE FUCKED.

Worst part is, I was ready to sit back and watch these idiots suffer. But then I called Tate to tell him “you guys are fucked,” and that’s when he told me, “What do you mean you guys? You’re in it too.” So now I’m FUCKED.

I already know how this is gonna go—Titus, Tate, and me are going to be running three man weaves at 6 a.m. on Wednesday morning, praying that the group of misfits clutch up. This will be the most physically draining After Dark by far, and it’s not even close. No joke, I’m setting the line at 6.5 on people who physically can no longer participate after the 7-hour mark. We’re beyond cooked, and it’s all Tate’s fault.

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That being said, we’ll see you all tomorrow, and the next day, and probably the day after that.