There's a Zebra On The Loose In Tennessee And Nobody Can Catch It, Running On 4 Days Now
MURFREESBORO, Tenn. — The search for a missing pet zebra continues after it blocked an interstate in middle Tennessee Sunday afternoon and is now taking the internet by storm.
The zebra was first spotted on I-24 near Joe B. Jackson Parkway in Rutherford County Sunday. Deputies had to close the interstate because the animal was running through traffic.
TIMELINE OF ZEBRA SIGHTINGS
Saturday, May 31st
Sunday, June 1st
Monday, June 2nd
Tuesday, June 3rd
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Wednesday, June 4th
I think I got those dates about right. I might be off on a day or two, but you get the picture. There's is on the loose. Anybody who I respect is cheering for the Zebra. If this were a sick Zebra who escaped from a zoo that was helping rehabilitate the zebra, that might be a different story. But all the articles about the fugitive zebra say something along the lines of…
CBS News – The sheriff's office was in contact with the zebra's owner, who they said obtained the animal on Friday night. It was not immediately clear how the zebra was obtained or how it got away from the owner.
USA Today – According to a press release from the sheriff's office, Cpl. Zach Campbell the zebra belonged to a couple who he interviewed the night it escaped.
The owners, law enforcement reported, "obtained the zebra Friday night." It escaped the following day.
To me, those sound like unfit zebra owners. "Obtained the zebra". Nobody in Tennessee needs to "obtain a zebra". Especially people who aren't even properly equipped to hold onto their zebra for a full 24 hours. The thing about zebras is that they are very intuitive. Maybe if these owners had treated their zebra as an equal. Had they respectfully welcomed the zebra into their home, instead of "obtaining" it, the zebra never would have escaped. Idk I just made that up, but clearly the zebra didn't want to be there. And if there was an actual good reason for this couple to be owning a zebra in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, then at least one article would have said so.
You got this zebra. Zebras don't belong in Tennessee. Wherever you are running, I hope you make it there. If you're goal is to simply end up anywhere other than with this mysterious zebra obtaining couple who purchased you from a breeder in Texas, then I'd recommend making your way to the Nashville Zoo. I know a zoo isn't the ideal home, but there's people at zoo's who mean well. Maybe the zoo will fight to keep you. Or at least try to have you transferred to a zoo fit for zebras like yourself, instead of handing you over to Animal Control.
But if you really want to shoot for the stars. If this is a "give me freedom or give me death" situation. There is actually a herd of over 150 wild zebras living in the countryside off the Pacific Coast of San Simeon, California. A long, long time ago, William Randolph Hearst bought some Zebras for his private California zoo. When the zoo went under during the Great Depression, the zebras were left to fend for themselves. As it turns out, the hills in central California have a climate where zebras are able to survive. If you play your cards right, I think you can make it there. It's the perfect time of year for a cross-country trek. You have months until winter. I'm pretty sure you just eat grass, so I'm guessing you could keep yourself sustained for the trip. If you can make it to San Simeon, convince the herd to accept you, then you'll blend right in and live the rest of your life as a free zebra with a whole mess of zebra friends.
It'll be a dangerous trip. I feel like Oklahoma is a hot bed for sketchy private zoo owners who wouldn't hesitate to put a tranq in your neck and stuff you in a cage for the rest of your life. You'll literally be cutting through Joe Exotic territory. But you seem to be pretty good at avoiding authorities. And maybe you'll come across an ally. Maybe there's a Harriet Tubman of zebras who will help smuggle you to California in an Underground Railroad type of situation.
This whole thing would make for a great children's book. But whatever happens (unless they come forward and give a compelling case for themselves) I hope this zebra doesn't end up back with the couple he escaped from. If you buy a zebra and lose the zebra five minutes later, you should revoke your rights to own a zebra. That seems like a good rule of thumb for zebra ownership.
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God speed zebra. I'm rooting for you.