BREAKING: Dave Portnoy Has Agreed To Coach Our Barstool Basketball Team After The Disgusting, Pathetic, Cowardly, Borderline Cheating From Former Coach Chris Klemmer Against Kirk Minihane
ICYMI, it was a TOUGH turn of events for our NYC basketball team on 6/9. They traveled hours up the road into CT to battle against Kirk Minihane & his jolly band of basketball maniacs. It was a rivalry that had been brewing for weeks, although arguably years, and what a 2nd half comeback it was for those boys from Boston. With a sold-out crowd of Minifans!
Here's the full game & some highlights for any fellow sadomasochists out there, fucking PRAY for your phone trying to load all of these tweets:
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You hate to see such a heralded head coach resign mere seconds after a career defining loss, but I guess that's how the cookie crumbles for Klemmer. Captain Kirk held nothing back the next day, as was warranted. Even Dave felt the need to get in the mix after witnessing such a disgusting performance with HIS company's name so prominently attached. Sad!
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Jarvis, play the absolute greatest entrance music for a hero possible:
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For the millionth time in my life, thank YOU Dave Portnoy! Not just a fearless leader or most honest man I know, but still a salt of the earth guy who's always willing to reach down and help the less fortunate than him.
And in this case, the most desperate/hopeless people that could possibly exist. Literal hero ball from El Pres, from the clouds! Bananaland/Electric Factory type stuff folks.
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CAN'T WAIT to see this rematch go down. I've heard the office buzzing all morning talking about new strategy, most of which resolved around 2 big things… First getting a hotel for the night before so they're not traveling 4 hours all cramped in a small sedan, and second eating actual food before the game instead of shoving sliced meats down their gullet on the road.
With Dave's storied basketball pedigree & big brain on their side, anything is possible. There's no doubt that Team Kirk Minihane is a hardwood force to be reckoned with. But if anyone can slay that dragon, it's Kirk's fucking boss Dave Portnoy.
Go Pres GO!!!
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(keep in mind this is in a FULL suit with a broken shoulder, keep the smartass comments to yourself. Thank you in advance for you cooperation while I still attempt to get this deleted from the internet)