Ranking My Top and Bottom 5 Co-Workers In Barstool Chicago

Kyle Mazza. Shutterstock Images.

Sup fuckers. It’s the dog days of summer and I need something to write about so I decided to rank my co-workers. To them- Don’t get your feelings hurt if I left you off my top 5 or put you on my bottom 5. I'm sure most of you won’t even read or see this blog so who gives a fuck. And it’s coming from me so this holds absolutely zero weight. I want to make one thing very clear, even if you’re on my bottom five, I still have love for you, but in a respect way not that we’d ever call each other to get beers on the weekend. I also am leaving Dave and Big Cat off the list. Simply because they’re not my co-workers they’re my bosses. And I’ve already gotten enough smoke with both of em. This list will simply be co-workers. 

Let’s start with the Top 5:

5. Chief

When i first met Chief I thought he was a fucking cunt. I remember my boys asking me about who I didn’t like in the office after my first week and the answer was Chief. No hesitation. Fat little prick was a scumbag, but as time has gone on he’s became almost like an older brother to me. Love him to death, always there for me, always listens to my bullshit, gives me the advice I need to navigate this circus, and most importantly he’s not afraid to booze with the kid every now and then. Lots of love to my guy Chief. 

4. Mook

One thing about Mook is that he was team Smokes from the jump and for that I’ll always be loyal to him. While the whole company was sending shots off at me like I did 9/11 Mook was one of the first people to say I fuck with this kid. My second or third day at the office we had a bowling tournament I didn’t know who to sit with or who to talk to and Mook called me over and we became boys ever since. We’ve ran countless two mans together and I know i can always count on him to have my back. Love you Mook.

3. Tate

I wanted to hate this fucking asshole so badly. And part of me felt bad, like hey Nicky remember when you started and everyone hated you? But that 6AM video in the office was the gayest thing I’ve seen. Arguably top 5 lamest videos, but that being said, Tate’s been great. And he’s turned into a legitimate friend. Although he’s an absolute prick and slime ball when there’s money on the line, he’s a good dude, and after meeting his family it’s hard not to love him. A great dude and someone I consider a real friend. 

2. Annika (when we’re on good terms)

There’s no doubt about it. When me and Annika are on good terms she’s my best friend in the office. Our chemistry is off the charts, we know how to push each others buttons and make one another laugh. She’ll always have a special place in my heart and when we are on good terms (week by week thing) there’s no one I’d rather be around. Plus she’s fun to look at. 

1. Nick Turani

Truly don’t know if I’d still be here without Nick. Much like Mook, Nick was a day one Nicky Smokes guy, but that’s not why he’s 1 on the list. He’s essentially my therapist and although I feel bad reaching out every time I go through a crisis he’s always there for me no questions asked. By far the most genuine dude in the office. And he’s handsome so that’s cool too. Love Nick with all my heart my brother for life. 

Honorable Mention: Mike Katic

Bottom 5:

5. Chef Donnie

I can’t get a read on Chef. When we work out together he’s a cool dude. Other times though he’s just a fucking prick, plus he’s always cooking and we hardly get any of the scraps. But he’s tried to big dick me a couple times for content, but unfortunately for him it didn’t work considering I bounced him out of the tournament and won 40 bands, but still, I’m not with all the fake shit. 

4. Brandon Walker

Brandon Walker off camera is a great dude but he’s the scum of the earth in the office. This old sack of shit thinks he’s too good to respond to people saying good morning to him. Grow the fuck up, you ain’t Donald Trump stop walking around like your dick is bigger than everyones. Sure, you’re talented but you ain’t God. Show some of that southern hospitality when you talk to people around here.

3. Mad Dog

Me and Mad Dog have a unique relationship. It’s very clear that we don’t like each other but we respect each other. There’s never “beef” we just don’t see eye to eye on pretty much anything. Also her meltdown over the salmon in the microwave was ridiculous. But as I said it’s a respectful dislike. 

2. Stefan

For those of you who don’t know tech guy Stefan is one of the most miserable humans to walk the Earth. He’s even said he goes into everyday expecting the worst. It’s almost impossible to talk to the guy he’s the office grinch. However, I will say outside of the office he’s a solid dude and not a complete fucking asshole. But as far as in office vibes he’s one of the worst.

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1. Annika (when we’re on bad terms)

Nothing makes me more sick to my stomach than seeing Annika in the office when we’re on bad terms. Can’t tell you how many times I thought of asking to go to New York so I never have to see this girl again. You can cut the tension with a knife. We make eye contact and it’s like an atomic bomb goes off inside my body. The amount of silent fights we’ve had is insane. There’s no one that kills the vibe more than her when we’re on bad terms. 

There’s my list. Maybe I'll do a new one every week.