One Of Us: Superman Is A Simp For Natalie Portman!

Turns out Superman doesn’t suck! Honestly, I have no clue, I didn’t see the movie, and I’m not really a Superman guy anyway. They’re corny and usually suck. But at least Corenswet knows ball. Natalie Portman should be everybody’s first crush. She had me feeling a way that no kid under the age of 10 should feel. Obviously, I didn’t know why I was feeling that way until now, but nevertheless, it’s a feeling I’ll never forget.

What she did in Attack of the Clones will never be forgotten. You can’t find another woman on planet Earth who served looks the way she did in that movie. I’m sorry, but no one was touching her. She had the whole package. She had that sexy ass energy, the soft spoken voice, the outfits, the hair, the slow burn romance, and of course the ripped back scene, everything about her character was absolutely elite. The way she made me feel watching that movie at such a young age rewired my brain permanently.

The things I would do to be Hayden Christensen during that time period are unfathomable. That man hit the literal lottery. Forget winning the Powerball, forget finding a suitcase full of cash, he got to be on set with Natalie Portman in peak form, and make out with her, all while rocking a Jedi braid and leather robes. That’s not acting, that’s living a fantasy life most men only dream of.

She could run me over in an 18-wheeler and I’d thank her. If she pushed my mom in front of a bus and killed her, I’d probably say my mom deserved it. That’s how deep my admiration goes. That’s how much every man should simp over Natalie Portman from her Star Wars days. And I’m just glad Superman feels the same way.

Because when I heard Corenswet say it, it confirmed what I’ve known since the second grade, real recognize real. You can talk about Scarlett Johansson, Megan Fox, whoever, but Natalie Portman in Attack of the Clones is a different breed. That’s cinema. That’s art. That’s a formative memory we all share whether we admit it or not.