The Dolphins Are Back at Training Camp and So Is My Depression

I’m so tired of being an optimistic loser. Every year I tell myself this is the one. Every year I watch hype videos, read every report from camp, convince myself Tua’s going to stay healthy, McDaniel’s offense will evolve, and the defense won’t fall apart by November. And every single time? They let me down. So this year, I’ve decided to try something new: I’m going full pessimistic. No hope. No belief. 

Just vibes and not good ones.

This team is going to suck again. I can feel it in my bones. I refuse to buy into any of the offseason promises. I’ve heard it all before: “We’re tougher this year,” “We’ve grown from last season,” “This is the most focused we’ve ever been.” Spare me. I’m tired of hearing players talk about how locked in they are just to watch them fold the second they play a team with a winning record. I’m tired of watching Mike McDaniel turn into a panicked Madden player anytime it’s 3rd and long. I’m tired of watching Tua play just well enough to keep hope alive—and then miss four crucial games and tank the season. I’m just done.

And what makes it worse? I still care. I hate that I care. I hate that my mood from September to January depends on a group of guys who don’t know I exist and probably don't even like each other. I hate that I’ve spent 25 years of my life waiting—begging—for a single playoff win. Not a Super Bowl. Just one. One win. One game. I’ve waited a quarter of a century and gotten nothing but mediocrity and migraines.

So no more pom poms from me. No more blind loyalty. This year, it’s middle fingers up until they prove otherwise. No more clapping like a seal for every training camp highlight. No more pretending a deep ball in shorts and no pads means anything. Go win something that matters. Go beat the Bills. Go win a playoff game. Go earn the hype for once.

Otherwise? Go fuck off.