Move Over John Daly, Fat Joe Claims He is Now Drinking 30-40 Diet Sodas a Day

T's & P's to John Daly. Many years ago, John Daly took over the throne from my friend's fat mom as the G.O.A.T. of diet soda drinkers. I've heard John Daly claim he drank as many as 20 a day. One for every two cigarettes. But from what I can tell by his appearances on YouTube videos, John Daly is drinking (alcohol) again. As happy as he seems to be throwing back double digit drinks from his personal golf cart cooler every 18 holes, I have to imagine his self-branded vodka cocktail consumption has taken a toll on his Diet Coke numbers (cigarette numbers should still be fine though).

Meanwhile, Fat Joe is no longer fat. One day at work I hopped in an elevator with a couple strangers on the way back from lunch. I didn't even realize until we got off on the same floor that the person I was sharing the elevator with was Fat Joe himself. I didn't even feel cramped on it. Nowadays, you could split an elevator with Fat Joe & Frank The Tank (both with crews in tow) and you would hardly feel unsafe at all. Crazy how times have changed.

Frank The Tank's weight loss can be attributed to walking long distances (and a dash of Wegovy). Fat Joe on the other hand... apparently he's supplanted his entire diet... breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert... with Diet Pepsi's (also he has publicly stated that he's on Ozempic).

Fat Joe is throwing back 30-40 Diet Pepsi's every day. Which according to an interview/advertisement he did with New York Magazine in 2023, is WAY UP from a time when his addiction was a far more casual 20 a day.

NY Magazine – I used to be really addicted to diet soda, especially diet Pepsi. I’d drink maybe 20 a day. I tried to stop, and the next best option for me was Pellegrino Sparkling Water. It gives me the bubbles I crave but is better for me. It’s putting me in a more positive direction. I might drink five or six of the big bottles daily now.

But you know what they say about addiction. When you relapse, your habit comes back twice as hard. Or something like that. I have half-a-mind to think Fat Joe may have never actually replaced Diet Pepsi with Pellegrino Sparking Water in the first place.

If we are to believe Fat Joe's most recent Diet Pepsi consumption claim, he's now at over a brick a day. That would warrant a whole fridge dedicated to diet soda. And if Fat Joe is on the go, he would almost need a crew member whose sole purpose is to make sure he is never more than an arms length away from an ice cold Diet Pepsi. Some guy who follows Fat Joe around with a mini fridge on wheels. Someone who 24/7/365 is available to drop whatever they're doing and fetch Joey Crack some liquid crack. 

And did I hear Fat Joe right in that video? Did he say he once had the whole prison fetching him Diet Pepsi's? All Fat Joe had to do was say the word, and Diet Pepsi's would rain down upon him from the rafters? I see Fat Joe served 4 months for tax evasion in Miami back in 2013. It sounds like if you were in FDC Miami, and wanted Fat Joe to give your hot new rap verse a listen, the way to get in with him was through Diet Pepsi's. That's good to know. 

Just 40 Diet Pepsi's a day + a weekly shot of mystery miracle drug in your stomach, and you could transform like this too.

Fuck the doctors. You look good, Fat Joe. Remember what Deion Sanders said. Look good, feel good. Feel good, play good. Play good, pay good. That's the formula. Don't go messing with it now.