Dumping Them Out: Hibachi Chef Porn
Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. This episode is being brought to you from a lake.
I ran 5 kilometers yesterday. I do it one time every year. I do zero running all year long, then in the summer we go to a festival about Switzerland in a small town in Indiana where for some reason my whole extended family has committed to running their yearly 5k race on Saturday morning. My time keeps getting worse and worse. A couple years ago I got beat by a barefooted Amish man. I'm well past the point of "trying". But the 9+ minute pace I've come accustomed is gradually getting more and more difficult. It's causing me to sweat way more than I'm comfortable with.
I just had a real nice weekend with my family on the lake. I brought my dog. Two of my cousins brought their dogs. Everything was going perfectly smooth until late last night where my dog and one of my cousin's dogs remembered humping. Once dogs remember humping it's game over. Last night turned into hump-off. I was hoping when I woke up this morning they would go back to normal, but nope. They remembered the humping again. Not sure why at 11 years old (10 years post having his balls removed), he decided to take up being horny. But now I'm overseeing a situation where two dogs are incessantly trying to fuck each other.
For the first time in my life, I've decided to splurge on golf membership. Now that I've moved back to Ohio, I figure I should take advantage of the things Ohio has to offer. Like reasonably priced golf. I found a nice little private course about 5 minutes away from my apartment. Real great shape. Nice greens. Lots of water. Makes you hit a bunch of different shots off the tee, as opposed to a wide open course where you just pound driver every hole and even if you miss the fairway by 100 yards, you still have a clear shot to the green. I figure if I can wake up and knock out at least 9 holes every morning before work, by the end of golf season, which basically runs until Thanksgiving nowadays, I might actually work my way back to being a legitimate golfer. Maybe I'll get into the golf content game. I heard Barstool Sports was in the market for more of that.
My heart isn't in this blog today, so here's some hibachi chef food porn. Not figurative food porn, like when you see a plate of delicious BBQ and think, "I would fuck that brisket with my tongue and throat". Food porn as in instead of making an onion volcano and a choo-choo train, the hibachi chef made a fried rice vagina and fucked it teased it with a fried rice penis.
Between the dog humping and the hibachi sex rice (and the Boob GIFs), this is on pace to be one of the horniest Dumping Them Out's yet. Very fun blog to write when surrounded by family. Once every few months I find myself in a situation where I'm writing my Sunday Boob GIFs blog in a less-than-ideal location. I think the worst was the time I had a flight delay at the Denver airport. I took the opportunity to use my yearly United Club pass. I figured the lounge would be a place I could find a corner to stick myself in while scouring the internet for tits. But that damn United Club lounge was so packed. I couldn't find a single seat that wasn't shoulder-to-shoulder between two other people who would absolutely see what I was "working" on. Nothing reminds you how stupid and fake your job is more than sitting between a man working on an Excel spreadsheet, and another man on a phone call discussing potential real job candidates while your laptop screen is covered in soft-core pornography.
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There's no better way to start your day than by Googling "hot girl bikini gifs" surrounded by family and dogs who won't stop trying to have sex. Luckily I'm about to wrap this thing up before any of the kids wake up. Kids who are now getting old enough to know what Barstool Sports, and how to Google, "Barstool Sports John Rich". Can't wait for that.