For a Second There, It Really Looked Like Seattle Kraken's Mascot Was Going to Be Eaten By a Grizzly Bear
In the mascot business, that's what we call a consummate professional. Seattle Kraken's "sea-troll" mascot, Buoy, remained calm, cool, and collected for the duration his grizzly bear encounter. Not once did he even consider breaking character and removing his head. I'm sure the visibility inside of a mascot head is not ideal when faced with a charging grizzly. But if Buoy was going to die in that river, he was going to die as 'Seattle Kraken Mascot, Buoy the Sea Troll'. Not as 'Seattle Kraken Public Relations Professional Who Wears The Buoy Costume For Marketing Events'. No young children's sense of wonder would be destroyed that day. They would be traumatized to have seen their beloved mascot die a horrible bear death. But their sense of wonder... that would remain in tact.
Although in reality, the Buoy The Sea Troll costume probably acts a bit like one of those safety suits dog trainers wear when training police dogs to attack people.
So the mascot suit may have provided some extra protection. At that point, he might as well stay suited up. But Buoy was still by far the slowest "person" on the river. The nerve on white hat guy (Kraken forward, John Hayden) for saying, "I want to blame it on Buoy. They were interested in his whole look."
Buoy was the #1 thing keeping you safe, pal. You had hightailed it the fuck out of there and left your mascot to fend for himself. That Grizzly had Buoy dead to rights, and John Hayden was halfway back to the car.
It's how the old saying goes – "You don't have to run faster than the bear to get away. You just have to bring along your team mascot to use as bait."
Imagine the blood-feud rivalry that would have sparked overnight between the Seattle Kraken and the Boston Bruins had Boston's mascot murdered Seattle's mascot. I'd have no choice but to bet my net worth on the Kraken that first game. Along with whatever the over is for penalty minutes and fights. Playing a "dead mascot game" is one thing. But a "mascot eaten by the other team's mascot game" would light a fire the likes of which we've never seen.
One final thing. If Buoy was eaten by that bear, and that video got out, Seattle has to change their mascot, right? You can't just throw another member of your marketing department in the Buoy suit. It would scare the kids. They'd think their mascot was a ghost. They'd have to hang Buoy's jersey in the rafters. He'd be the first member of the Seattle Kraken's organization to have his number retired (#0). And for the rest of time, there would be an ominous reminder hanging above the ice at Climate Pledge Arena of the time Seattle got their mascot killed by a bear.
Thank god Buoy is a professional, and dealt with that bear attack like the experienced sea troll he his.
Tune into Barstool Sports, Les Mascots, premiers August 19th.
