BREAKING: Another Day, Another Neon Dildo Thrown Onto A WNBA Court.
Folks I take no pleasure in reporting this, but a 2nd neon dildo has hit the WNBA court. I'm not writing this in support of what's happening, but this is what Big J journalism is all about. When the stories get gritty, you gotta get grittier.
Here's what I wrote just 2 days ago on the matter:
It's not like a dildo throw is a dime a dozen experience either. That Bills game was way back in 2016. We're averaging a dildo toss roughly once per decade. As long as none of the athletes are tripping over it, it's not really an egregious frequency overall.
So I hope fans of The W take this in stride and don't sweat the small stuff. Granted that was a massive 8 inch monster so maybe it'll take a few days to forget about it. I'm certainly not rooting for it to be a repeat offense this season. Totally fine with waiting till at least 2034 for the next Flyin' Phallic Wonder.
The Dildo Doomsday Clock hitting midnight on July 30, 2025 meant the whole cycle was supposed to reset. By that math we shouldn't see another 'do throw until the early 2030s. Simply too soon for it to be funny again.
Shenanigans are supposed to be cheeky and fun! This is just dangerous.
No word yet on a culprit or possible suspects, but the internet still had plenty of memes ready to launch at a moment's notice.
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Whoever it was clearly has a Kelsey Plum sized cannon for an arm cause both of those throws came from DISTANCE.
But who knows what happens now. Security is gonna get tighter, copycats are gonna pop up, and round and round we go around the dildo carousel. And if a 3rd bird hits the towers? How can any fans or players feel safe knowing they're possibly in the midst of a serial sex toy tosser? And how many attempts would it take for Angel Reese to throw it off the court?
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All questions for someone far smarter than me to figure out. Because all I know is, holy FUCK we need football back ASAP. Hold your loved ones tight tonight. We're almost there.
PS: can you imagine walking into a WNBA game only to see the guy next to you getting tackled for having multiple neon dildos shoved inside his outfit/orafices? I say let the pistol whips & powdered sugar FLY at that point. ENHANCE.