Dumping Them Out: Magic Mountain

Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out. Today's episode goes out to the niche market of Columbus suburb Pickerington, Ohio. Specifically their spectacular tourist attraction Magic Mountain. Not to be confused with Six Flags: Magic Mountain, which is a full-blown theme park in Los Angeles. This Magic Mountain in central Ohio is more appropriate for the arcade birthday party of a poorly-behaved child who's parents are on a budget. That is the Magic Mountain I went to today, so that is the Magic Mountain I will be using to fill up space between today's Boob GIFs. 

Note: I was at Magic Mountain because we took our niece and nephew there. Not that there's anything wrong with a grown adult going to an arcade for children. But that is not what I was doing. Just felt like I wanted to have that on the record. 

Here is my review of Magic Mountain:

Go-Karts: 9/10

I haven't done much go-karting in my life, but every time I've gone I've been disappointed. These were the first legitimately fun go-karts I've ever been on. They were fast. There were plenty of good spots on the track to make passes. I actually felt like I was in a competitive race. My only minor complaint was that I started in the back of the line, and my wife who was right in front of me didn't start immediately when the light turned green, so I was playing catch-up from the jump. But that arguably made things more fun, because I had people to work on passing the entire time. But I would have preferred to win. Good go-karts at Magic Mountain. Highly recommend.

Mini-Golf Mountain 
Design: 8/10
Upkeep: 2/10
Overall: 5/10

Magic Mountain is a very well designed putt-putt course. It has the perfect amount of obstacles, gimmicks, hills, tubes, etc. to make for a fun and competitive round. There was certainly a time where it would have been a top-tier mini-golf spot. Unfortunately, I'm not sure an employee has stepped foot on the mini-golf mountain in roughly a decade. Parts of the course were underwater. The occasional hole was full of liquid that kinda seemed more like sewage than rain. The occasional green had been warped to the point that there were lumps around the hole making it nearly impossible to sink a putt. Which actually kinda leveled the playing field in a way that was fun. But if Magic Mountain just put a little money into their mini-golf course, it has potential to be one of the better ones in Ohio. 

Batting Cages: 4/10

I was fully unprepared for how much of a workout batting cages would be. I really could have used an extra 5 seconds between pitches. It was a pretty bleak selection of helmets and bats at Magic Mountain. The grips on the bats were all but non-existent. I shouldn't have felt like my hands were being struck by lightning every time I put the barrel on the ball (with the machine on the slow setting). One of the machines couldn't even get the ball to the plate. But on the flip side, another machine threw unlimited pitches. They were supposed to stop after 20, but it just kept going forever. Also, the complete lack of employee supervision made the whole thing more enjoyable. And ripe for a lawsuit for anybody willing to take a fastball to the eye. 

Churros: 9/10

At Magic Mountain, for the low price of $3.29, you can have yourself a 4-pack of surprisingly delicious churros. 

Kid Climbing The Arcade Games to Drop Balls Into The High Score and Getting Hundreds of Tickets: 10/10

While I was on the ski-ball machine, there was this tiny little rambunctious child next to me playing the "throw ball into a milk jug" game. He couldn't have been more than 4-years old. He deposited his tokens, then confidently looked over to me and said, "Watch I'm gonna get a high score."

He proceeded to climb in the machine with all 5 balls and place them all directly in the jug. He hit the 250 ticket jackpot and celebrated like the won the Super Bowl. I've never seen a kid more proud of himself. Then he looked around the corner to make sure no employees were watching, and did it again. And again. And again. Jumping up and down giving double fist pumps as his tickets came pouring out of the machine after each turn. It was quite amusing. That kid had me cracking up. He took Magic Mountain for a devious lick today. 

Prizes:
Selection of Prizes: 8/10
Attainability of Prizes: 2/10
Overall: 5/10

Not the deepest selection, but the top-tier prizes were top tier. For a cool 75,000 tickets, you could walk out of Magic Mountain with your very own signed Mike Alstott jersey.

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But apparently inflation has come for arcade ticket prizes as well. Even if I hired that small kid to climb into machines for me, I don't think I have enough years left on earth to win enough tickets for the Mike Alstott. I played a good amount of games today. I hit a couple nice scores on the bean bag toss machine. But I didn't win enough to afford a single Jolly Rancher sucker. I walked out of there today with two Dum-Dums (fruit punch & lemon-lime) and a miniature Airhead (white mystery).

Randy I.: 10/10

I might have to make it my mission one day to go back to Magic Mountain and sit on the Space Invaders machine until I get my name on the board, and end Randy I., the greatest Space Invader this side of the Mississippi's reign of terror. I'd love to see Randy I. go toe-to-toe with Billy Mitchell at Richie Knucklez Arcade in a Twin Galaxies certified event. 

Magic Mountain Overall Score: 10/10

Great place. It's really the perfect amount of seedy and run down that you feel like anything goes. You'd need to start a small fire before anybody tried to police you. If you have terribly behaved children with too much energy in the greater Columbus, Ohio area, I couldn't recommend Magic Mountain highly enough.