Kyle Schwarber Is Number One
Caean Couto. Getty Images.Babe Ruth. Hank Aaron. Ted Williams. Barry Bonds. Alex Rodriguez. Ken Griffey Jr. Willie Mays.
Name any single great baseball player that you want. Whoever you consider to be your GOAT of baseball. Whichever guys you think are absolute locks to be on your Mount Rushmore of baseball. According to the Baseball Almanac, there have been approximately 20,958 players to ever play at least one game in the MLB. You could sit there and name 20,957 of them.
Not one of them have ever done what Kyle Schwarber has done ever since joining the Philadelphia Phillies in 2022.
He now has 38 Schwarbombs on the season, and it's still just the beginning of August. He had 38 homers last year. 47 home runs in 2023, and 46 during his first year with the Phils.
He joined the Phillies on a 4-year, $79 million contract. That's the best bargain you could ever dream about in baseball. He's currently making less than half a million dollars per home run on this contract. You might be saying to yourself that that's still a fuck ton of money. And you wouldn't be wrong. Baseball contract numbers aren't real life. But just for context--Juan Soto would have to hit over a thousand home runs during his 15-years with the Mets in order to even be close to as good of a deal as Kyle Schwarber is for the Phillies right now. Something tells me he's not going to touch that number.
Kyle Schwarber has been worth every single penny. There's a legitimate chance he ends up being the NL MVP this season. He was on a bargain deal to begin with. It's time for the Phillies to listen to the WNBA and pay this man what he's worth.
Think about how much Chicago fans are sick to their stomachs over the fact that Kyle Schwarber wasn't a Cub for life. Think about how sick to their stomachs Boston fans are that Schwarber was on the Red Sox, and they couldn't find a way to keep him around. The last thing the Phillies want to do is look like a bunch of dipshits with their dicks in their hands as Kyle Schwarber is launching balls into orbit with another ball club. Break out the checkbook, give him whatever he wants, and never have to worry about the "what if's".
And while the checkbook is out, maybe go ahead and cut one to whoever in Minnesota put together the Jhoan Duran entrance. Because holy shit is this thing going to add a new level of pop to Citizens Bank Park come October.
