Carnival Ride At UK Music Festival Named After Apollo 13 Broke Down Mid-Ride, Leaving People Stuck Upside Down

I'm going to have to institute a new carnival ride policy for myself, and any future children I may have. If the carnival ride at any point flips its passengers upside down, that ride is expressly forbidden. If the carnival ride has wheels... if the ride is literally named after a failed mission to space... you have to be prepared for the possibility that at any point on the ride, you're liable to get stuck in whatever position you happen to be in. If the position you're in is upside down, then all of the sudden it's a race against the clock between the blood rushing to your head, and the crackhead in charge of the death machine you're strapped into. 

Realistically, I think you can hang upside down for a full day before your life is actually threatened. But do I want to be in a situation where my life is dependent on the most responsible person at the county fair solving a problem in less than 24 hours? Not particularly. 

I used to love rides like that, too. There wasn't a ride in all of the Wood County Fair that I didn't trust with my life. Not only did we trust the rides, but when we were on them, we'd sway back and forth with all our might to test the ride's structural limits. Kids will (and I'm sure still do) effectively spend their whole rides trying to kill themselves. The DO NOT ROCK warning on the back of the seat is for some reason seen as a challenge, and not a glaring red flag that should any 12-year old shift his weight the wrong direction, the entire ride will come crashing down on the petting zoo next door.

I have a feeling if you looked at the numbers, carnival rides are probably safer now than ever before. It's just that now everybody has their phones out. So if the Apollo 13 at the Boardmasters Surf & Music Festival in the UK gets caught upside down for 20 minutes or so, it makes national news. But it does kinda seem like carnival ride technology has outpaced "safety" over the years. Just because you're able to build a carnival ride that can both launch children 100-feet upside down in the air, and within five minutes collapse down like a Transformer and drive itself to the Tomato Festival a town over, doesn't mean you should. 

If the cigarette in charge of the bumper cars nods off at the controls, nobody is going to die. They're just going to get stuck in a non-moving bumper car that gets continuously railed from behind by the one kid who's bumper car actually works. That's what bumper cars are all about anyways. Carousels, Tilt-a-Whirls, Ferris Wheels, I'll even ride the Chair Swing. The Chair Swing is pretty sketchy one too, but at least the technology is simple enough that I trust they know how to test it. Just make sure the chain isn't broken.

But ever since I saw that spinning pendulum ride in Saudi Arabia snap in half, I'm out on upside carnival rides altogether.

Advertisement

Shit… I guess that ride in Saudi Arabia was actually at a legitimate amusement park. Let me update the list. I'm officially out on upside rides that are:

A) At a carnival or fair
B) In the Middle East

I think that's pretty fair. But even Cedar Point, our nation's premier amusement park, opened their brand new Sirens ride and immediately had it break. Riders were stuck facing straight down for a half hour.

I trust Cedar Point won't kill me, but I don't like amusement park's obsession with making ride look as unsafe as possible. What about making a ride with the goal of making it as fun as possible? Instead of putting that effort towards making it appear to defy gravity. I don't need to be tricked into thinking I'm going to die to catch a thrill.