Fuck It... I'm A Bare Knuckle Boxing Fan

There are so many gimmicky combat sports leagues lately.

There is that Slap League, which is a fantastic outlet for athletes who want to make entertaining GIFs while sustaining life-altering head trauma.

Or, if you're more into backshots than headshots, why not just turn 'em around and watch girls in thongs or yoga pants smack each other in the ass?... There's a league for that, as well.

This has always been a NO JUDGEMENT ZONE, so if you're into either of those, God bless you, but as a lifelong boxing fan, I can't watch any of these fringe combat offerings without feeling like I am witnessing either some post-apocalyptic halftime show or soft-core porn.

There's also Car-Jitsu, in which combatants wrestle in the front seat of a car like two kids fighting to control the radio station... I couldn't get any images of Car-Jitsu without paying a hefty licensing fee, so you'll have to imagine these two lovelies going at it in the front seat of a 2015 Subaru Outback.

If you prefer your mixed martial artists to be keenly aware of chokeholds AND the possibility of being anally violated by a gearshift, then Car-Jitsu could be for you... I, however, am a little more traditional.

Then there's Armored Combat Sports, which is the logical next step for nerds who played waaaaay too much Dungeons & Dragons in their youth.

I was also a D&D nerd back in the day (5th-level power-magic user), so you would think this bullshit would be right in my wheelhouse. However, this league was created only because the participants had nothing else to do on Friday or Saturday nights, and I can't go back to that lifestyle.

Giphy Images.

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So, with all these seemingly worthless alternatives, where does a boxing fan turn when he needs to scratch that combat itch but wants to do it without feeling like he's in some broader social experiment?

In steps Bare Knuckle Boxing.

Or, more specifically, in steps BKB Bare Knuckle Boxing.

AAron Ontiveroz. Getty Images.

I went to one of their fights last year while I was in Florida for a NASCAR race, and I fucking loved it. So when the people in charge invited me back out for their most recent event, I jumped at the offer. Plus, one of their regular announcers, Paulie Malinaggi, announced that he was going to make a return to their "ring," so they asked if I would sit in with their legendary play-by-play announcer, Mike Goldberg, to call the fights from the eyes of someone unfamiliar with the platform.

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SIDE NOTE- I put the word "ring" in quotes in the sentence above because these fucking BKB psychopaths fight in something called a "trigon"... It is the smallest fighting surface in all of combat sports, and, after stepping into the trigon and backing into one of its three 60 degree corners, I realized there is a terrifying intimacy that goes along with fighting in one of these that creates a situation where a fighter simply can't run away from each other... And I fucking HATE when boxers get on their bike during fights, and avoid any fan-pleasing violence action.

JLN Photography. Shutterstock Images.

There were seven fights on Saturday night's main card, and five ended with either a first-round or second-round KO.

I'll say that again- 

FIVE OF THE SEVEN FIGHTS ENDED IN EITHER A FIRST OR SECOND ROUND KO.

So we had two measured fights that had the audacity to go the distance (in these cases, either 5 or 6 rounds, depending on whether a belt was on the line) and another five that ended in jarring blows to the face...

The types of face-rearranging blows that come along only occasionally in the boxing world, but happen multiple times every fucking minute in the trigon.

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I don't know where Barstool stands with Rough N Rowdy, but I've always enjoyed those fights, even though 90% of the participants lacked boxing style or discipline.

This BKB Bare Knuckle Boxing is jam-packed with people who are tough-as-fucking-nails but are also veterans of multiple fighting styles.  In short: They know what they're doing inside of a ring… So little things like a smaller female fighter slipping the jab of her taller opponent while going upstairs with a sweeping right were refreshing to see vs some of the slap fights we're accustomed to seeing from amateurs on other platforms.

Toughman Competitions and Rough N Rowdy-like events will always have a spot reserved in my plaque-ridden heart, but BKB is giving me that x-factor without totally stripping away the bones from the sport that I love.

They have two events scheduled for September and another in October, and I say give this a whirl, next time you have that itch to watch violence on demand.

And after you're done, maybe take your pants off and give that Booty Slap League a couple of minutes of your time before you go to bed…

Take a report.

-Large

If you're not jealous of my time spent ringside at a bare-knuckle event, then envy me for my trip to Duxbury, MA, to eat oysters with Sydnie Wells and Barstool Outdoors…

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TAR

-L