"Didn't I Say, Not?" – Hard To Think Of A More Wild Ride Than Having A Judge Mistakenly Say You're "Guilty" Of Murder
"Whoops! Just kidding. I'm gonna psyche that from the record. Damn, Alton... could you imagine? No, no, no. I misspoke. You will actually NOT be spending the rest of your life in federal prison. How embarrassing! Egg on my face! Well then... court dismissed. Have a good life, sir."
An honest slip of the tongue from Fulton County Georgia's honorable Henry Newkirk. Who among us can say they never made the same mistake? Just probably not when you're uttering the one (or should I say, two) most consequential words a man will ever hear in his life.
Alton Oliver wasn't just on trial for knocking out some drunk guy in a bar fight that got out of hand. He wasn't merely waiting to find out whether or not he was going to get away with a minor felony. The man was on trial for murder. Murder of an off-duty cop. Now to be fair, if the story being told is true, the off-duty cop was seemingly fixin' to rape Alton.
ANF – The case began on Dec. 29, 2022, when 24-year-old Deputy James Thomas was found shot to death in his car. Oliver was arrested in connection with the incident days later.
Investigators believe Thomas, who was off-duty at the time, was pursuing Oliver when an argument led to the shooting
In an unusual move, Oliver took the stand himself on Wednesday. He told the court that he was walking home from work at around 4:30 a.m. when Thomas repeatedly called to him from his car, trying to solicit sex. On his third approach, Thomas allegedly began speeding toward him, and Oliver said he shot out of fear.
Last November, the district attorney’s office offered Oliver a plea deal for a life sentence, but he didn’t accept it.
Imagine the emotional rollercoaster of going from "never having your freedom again for the rest of your life", to "I can go home and have a beer with nothing over my head, like none of this ever happened", in a matter of seconds. Talk about a day changer. Momentum swings do not come any bigger than that. That's the type of thrill those Russian skyscraper daredevils (who will inevitably end up filming their own death) spend their whole lives chasing.
At the same time, when the judge read that verdict, Alton must have known something was up. Somebody in his camp must have told him the case was going well for him. And considering that after the judge said "guilty", he followed it up with "all six counts of the double indictment"… If he was actually guilty, he wouldn't have grouped the charges together like that, right? Maybe I'm wrong. I'm not exactly sure how they do things in Atlanta.
My point is, I bet when the judge read that verdict, Alton Oliver felt exactly like I did when I was hired at Barstool. I got picked to compete on Barstool Idol in 2022. The winner got a job at Barstool. I made it to the finale with three other people. Leading up to the finale, I had heard from multiple people that they were "pretty sure" I was going to win. And that even if I didn't, I'd probably get hired as a blogger. But when it came time for the panel to make their decision, Rone informed me that I DID NOT make the cut. That I would not be getting hired by Barstool. Much like Alton, I was gutted. But the whole time, in the back of my mind, I was thinking, "Nah… there's something weird happening here. This doesn't add up."
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I never let myself fully believe it was over. And I was right. I was simply "too good to win". I was also the victim being read an incorrect verdict. On an ever-so-slightly less meaningful scale.
I know exactly how you feel, Alton.