Video: The World's Coolest 5-Year-Old Breaks Out of the House and Gets Busted by the Cops at Chik-fil-A
If there's one truth that every human male understands, deep down at an instinctive level, is the fact that female humans are naturally drawn to a bad boy. Even before you're fully aware of what a girl actually is, you intuit that they love a guy who lives by his own moral code and won't play by society's rules. Or his parents. It was as true when Normal Rockwell painted this All-American boy with his cartoon hobo-like bandana on the end of a stick as it is today, for one young future Florida Man:
Fox News - A hungry 5-year-old Florida boy craving Chick-fil-A snuck out of his home one morning this summer to walk to the popular fast-food restaurant by himself, prompting a visit from the police while he munched on his food.
The boy, identified as William, was seen eating a breakfast sandwich in a booth next to a Chick-fil-A manager when deputies from the Jacksonville Sheriff's Office showed up.
"Are you going to take me to jail?" he asked the officers, according to bodycam footage.
"No," one officer replied. "I’m not going to put you in jail."
William managed to leave his house while his parents slept. He then squeezed through the fence that surrounds the property and walked down the street for breakfast alone, police said.
After eating, police put the boy in a squad car, and with William's help, were able to locate his home, to the surprise of his parents, who hadn’t realized he was gone.
"It’s kind of scary, actually, because we didn’t realize what was going on until after," his mother, Victoria, said during a reunion with staff and officers at the restaurant.
I don't know what exactly motivated William beyond the pure, gluttonous delight of a biscuit, egg and sausage sandwich with home fries on summer morning. So I can speak for him. But I was a 5-year-old boy once, so I can speak for Young Me. And if I were him, the most disappointing part of this story would be when the cop told me, "No," I wasn't going to jail. No kid busts out of his parents' escape-proof gated home just to be safely escorted home by these two Officer Friendlys here. Again, this is Florida. A Florida Boy is born knowig that it's fun to do bad things, like Hoodrat:
Can you imagine rolling up for your first day of first grade, stepping off that bus, and having every kid in school know you already have an arrest on your record? You can't buy that kind of cred. By the first recess, you'd already be king of the playground. Boys in your class would be jockeying for position to become your toady. Offering to sharpen your pencil. Letting you take their turn at the water fountain. Giving you their milk money so you can buy yourself something nice for Victoria.
Girls would have their claws out for each other. Side-eyeing any one who gave you the biggest Valentine's Card. Telling you she's no good and they saw her talking to that kid with cooties no one sits with at lunch. Slipping a Reeses Cup in her lunch, just to get her in trouble with the School Peanut Allergy Gestapo.
The world would be your oyster. You'd be the Capo of your own crime family, deciding who gets to be a Made Man. Every boy would want to be you. Every girl would want to be seen with you. The world would be yours for the taking. And that's worth more than any breakfast sandwich. Better luck next time, William. But my guess is we haven't heard the last of this kid.